Un/Reliable

I wanted to be the one who was everything to everyone

I wanted to be the colleague that could carry every task with grace

I wanted to be the student who always did all of their homework and the extra credit

I wanted to be the partner that would do anything for their love

I wanted to be the friend who was always present

Instead

I am the one who sleeps

I am the one who carries memories that bring nightmares

I am the one who is absent because of pain

I am the one who cannot

I cannot be there, I cannot do it

The pain suffocates

The memories make themselves known in who I am and what I do

Will I ever be whole?